The rest of 2012 turned out pretty well, I think. Phil finished another semester, I scored an internship with Bleacher Report (a sports website) as an editor and we also got another raise at each of our jobs. I’m also still writing for Best Buy Mobile Magazine, which I can’t get enough of. Seriously, ever since I changed my attitude on life (see previous post), everything seems to have fallen into place, and I’m very content with where we are at right now.
That being said, when Dec. 21 was approaching and everyone
was talking about the end of the world, I was filled with dread. Not because I
actually thought the world was going to end, but because the thought of IF it
was going to happen, I’m not ready to meet my Maker. There is a LOT of things I
would like to improve before that happens.
The biggest would probably be my spirituality. I’ve always
struggled with being active in church (which includes attending all three
meetings, paying tithing, going to the temple, visiting teaching, having daily
prayer and scripture reading, holding FHE), not because I have doubts, but
because I’ve always made work a bigger priority- and I’m ALWAYS working. I’m
looking forward to the new year because that means a fresh start. Church will
start earlier this year, so I will actually be able to attend it more
frequently. I’ve already talked to my bishop about setting up an appointment
with him to see what all Phil and I will need to do to renew our temple
recommends. The rest just comes down to organization. I just need to set aside
some extra time to do everything else on the above list, honestly.
Another thing I would like to work on is our future family.
Still no baby for us, but I blame that on myself. As some of you know, I’ve
always been on the fence about having kids. It terrifies me. But, I can’t
imagine going through life without having them. This next year, Phil and I will
celebrate our fourth anniversary and turn 26 and 25, respectively. And, that
just makes me feel OLD. Everyone else our age has two kids already and most
have been married for a shorter period of time. This year, I’ve let my fears of
children and of being a terrible mother hold me back. I’m tired of that. I’m
still unsure of how to overcome it, but I’m determined to get pregnant, anyhow.
I’m not sure that’s the wisest move, forcing that on myself, but a few weeks
ago when I declared I just didn’t want to try anymore, I just got the worst
feeling in the world. I woke Phil up in the middle of the night saying that it
was godly sorrow plaguing me (when I’m extremely tired, I do say some crazy
things), but the feeling I received was pretty terrible and it made me rethink
my statement. Any suggestions to help me get past this?
And, I guess, the last of my “New Year resolutions” is to be
a better wife. I want to help my husband succeed. He only has TWO semesters
left, and will hopefully graduate December 2013. Right now, we’re applying to a
bunch of internships for him for the upcoming summer (he already has an
interview with Amazon!), and I hope it works out. I’ve also neglected housework
and cooking since I’ve been so focused on working at Best Buy, writing for Best
Buy Mobile Magazine and editing for my internship (which is roughly 55 hours
per week overall), so I want to definitely work on that. A clean home is a
happy home! Phil and I’s big project is to declutter our apartment this next
year, so we won’t have to take as much time to clean up. I pinned a plan that
should make that easier on the both of us.
