Walking into the unknown

Exactly two weeks ago I quit my job at a weekly newspaper here in Southeast Idaho. I loved my job, it was pretty much perfect- except my boss. She was a horrible wretched woman who tormented and manipulated me whenever she could. I think it was because I wouldn't stand up for myself- she always told me how easily replaceable I was and I was afraid to call on her bluff. She was so hard to work with- one minute she was screaming at me about a problem she set up herself, then the next she was acting like a five-year-old and being so unprofessional. She is the manager there, but she is so caught up in her own world and excepts everyone to do everything for her, she didn't even know the current subscription rates. She demands respect, but from the moment I started working there, I was completely disgusted by her personality and her actions. I contemplated talking to human resources a couple of times, but then I was afraid of what she might do to get back at me. I put up with it for a year, but finally I couldn't take it anymore. It came to the point where my mental and physical health were in danger and this job was taking a toll on my relationships with family and friends. I got fell into depression, curled up into a ball, and shied away from everything and everyone. Even church. That took a especially big toll on me. I let the darkness of Satan seep into me and let it stay for way too long.

When I finally quit, I felt exhilarated for the first day. Then common sense hit me- how was I supposed to provide for my family and pay the bills? My stress level went up even higher and I would burst into tears for hours. I called a friend in my ward who I hadn't talked to in what seemed months and she immediately told me to talk to the bishop. I did, though I was so scared of what he might say. But, it was worth it and took a huge load off of my chest. I had waited for so long for Heavenly Father to bless me with another job to get out of the hellhole I was in. I had forgotten that He is not going to hold my hand throughout my entire life. I needed to make my own decisions.

I went to church for the first time in a very long time on Sunday. It was such a great blessing to take the sacrament again and to listen to the gospel. I'm slowly pushing the darkness out of my system and at times the old me comes out. Though I know I have a ways to go. I just can't wait to go back to the temple. Until then, I am working on healing myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I even have a job interview tomorrow at Old Navy. I hope it goes well. I'm going to miss writing, but I don't have to give it up completely- now I have time to actually work on my blog!