Nothing much has changed since my last post entry. Except my attitude, I think. For the whole month of September I experienced so many negative emotions, ranging from anxiousness to anger to depression, about my life and my future. If you had asked my 19-year-old self where I saw myself in five years, I probably would have never foresaw being where I currently am. I bet I would have expected to be a lot more successful at a job I loved by the time I turned 24, with Phil out of school and a baby on the way, if not already here.
And, you know what? Dealing with those emotions seriously suck! They don't get you anywhere. In fact, they set you back even more. General Conference couldn't have come at a better time for me. I really needed a spiritual boost. While all of the talks were wonderful, one that I really felt spoke to me was Elder Uchtdorf's talk during the Saturday morning session. Now, the following is not verbatim, but I wanted to share what points I got out of his talk the most:
- External circumstances don't affect our circumstances - or even matter.
- Life isn't a race, it's a journey. Don't solely focus on the finish line.
- Look less with our eyes and more with our hearts.
- Spend more time with loved ones, stride to become the person God wants me to be, and find happiness regardless of my circumstances.
During September I was acting so impatient of things to come that I didn't take the time to appreciate my surroundings and those around me. Because it seemed that everyone else has progressed a lot further in life than I have, I guess I assumed that when I hit those stages, I would automatically be 10x happier. But as Uchtdorf was talking about - and from past experiences - I know that won't be necessarily true. So, I am trying to make the most of life the way it is now. Because I know that when we finally do have a baby, Phil and I won't have as much of the freedom and quality time that we get to enjoy now. I know that when Phil finally does graduate, we won't get to spend as much time with our families because we will probably move out of town, if not out of state. And, even if Best Buy isn't my ideal job, I still get to write and I love the people I work with. Life is definitely not as bad as I was making it out to be, and I am going to focus on the blessings I do have and be happy! :)
